There tends to be the assumption among my peers that since our spouses share the same occupation, we must therefore share the same world views and politics. Yeah, not so much. If you're new to this blog (Hi!) then you need to know that I'm Not From Around Here. While I do my best to blend in, there are times it is glaringly apparent that I'm "different".
The Husband's platoon Christmas party was a couple of nights ago and we made it a family affair. While I know most of his co-workers, I really didn't know any of the other wives. I've learned, just like with Navy wives, police wives have strong opinions. Shockingly enough. I've also learned that my opinions tend to go against the stream. Yes, I know--another shocker. And since I really don't want to offend I tend to listen a whole lot more than I talk.
I sat next to one of the wives I had just met and she started chatting with Jacob.
"What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
Silence. Jacob just looked at her.
"We really don't talk about Santa too much", I tried to explain without making it sound like I thought Santa was a bad thing. Just not a big thing.
She then goes on, without hearing a word I said, about her four-year-old making multiple trips to Santa's lap because he kept thinking of more things for his list. She made it out to be this cute little story. Outside I sort of smiled with her. Inside I was all, Really? That's what your son thinks Christmas is about? Already? That's not cute. That's sad.
Then she tells me about a recent play date she and her children had with another family. A family that didn't let their children play with toy guns. She was baffled by this attitude and expressed that they would not pursue that relationship. And then she looked to me expecting to see bafflement on my part as well. Once again--not so much. My children do not have toy guns either. Neither will they. They are already learning about gun safety--which currently consists of, Don't Touch, Leave it Alone. But toy guns? No. Guns aren't toys--no matter the form.
Every now and then I receive emails from a friend from a former place we lived. Our husbands were co-workers. While we did have a lot in common--we camped and rock climbed together--we didn't share the same politics. Given the emails she forwards to me I don't know if she just didn't get that about me, or if it's a passive aggressive attempt at a conservative conversion. I simply do not subscribe to her point of view. However, I believe that individuals of different political and religious leanings can and do remain friends. Just look at my own household! Our own little micro experiment at world peace.
Anyway...the other police wife I met at the Christmas party? We didn't exchange phone numbers. It would never work between us.
5 comments:
doesn't it just drain you though, parties like that?
Where are you originally from?
I'm from the state that looks like a mitten, you know Michigan, and I intereact with people with different political and religious leanings all the time and I have to say it can be difficult some times but its very possible to be friends and family with them.
I like your blog so far.
I SO hear you on this one! Dear Hubby and I have been married 34 years and we decided years ago that we'd pursue our own friendships. Just because OUR chemistry works for US doesn't mean we like the same qualities in other people. I have so little time to socialize any more and either does he, he's got so much responsibility and stuff going on in his own life. But the amount of 'couples' we're actually friends with is like zero. I think one of the best philosophies we adopted was, even tho we're a couple, we're both still individuals. We have always respected each other's space and each other's interests.
You know Dori, I too have friends that believe very differently than I do. In fact, most of my friends might share some of my moral perspectives, but politically and religiously we are usually on polar opposites. I try to remain respectful. I like to engage in conversations about what people believe and why they believe that way. It helps me to form a more rounded perspective of my own. I know some people who say they believe one way around certain people and then shine me on when they are talking to me; it gets a bit annoying because you know they are just being fake.
Anyway, my point is that I know how you feel when people hold very different views than yourself and you find yourself uncomfortable in conversation, not knowing how to proceed.
BTW....Cody never owned toy guns until just two years ago and those were lazer tag and dart tag guns. I was always one of the few moms that monitored video games and set a time limit for them. Even at age 12 he's not allowed to play them through the week and only an hour each day of the weekend. I also have a no t.v. policy. Don't get me wrong, the kids are allowed to watch movies, but my t.v. is on maybe a total of two maybe three hours a week. I know most families aren't like that and people look at me like I'm crazy, but I believe they will get more benefit out of personal time, outside time, reading and hands on activities :)
I love the way that we need to tolerate others views and hear them to, whilst quietly feeling secure with our own. I'm very with you on the gun thing, never will one cross the threshhold here, but how come my boy turns every stick and twig he finds into a 'pretend' gun?!Drives me mad!
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