Yes, I realize my life tends to be soundtracked by 80's music. For not having grown up in this country, I find myself a product of my own American generation regardless of geography.
Yet, I digress...
Mrs Fuzz--whose husband just graduated the police academy--posted a question earlier and I found that my short comment really did not go far enough to cover my answer.
The question posed was, "How do you say goodbye?" When this person whom you have sworn to Love, Honor and Cherish until the cold, clammy hand of death rips you apart girds himself in Kevlar, buckles on a belt fully accessorized with crime fighting accouterments, kisses you and walks out the door to go do battle in the name of Good--How. Do. You. Say. Goodbye?
Accidents happen everyday. Everyday someone's spouse--regardless of occupation--does not come home. Everyday someone has to explain to children why Mommy or Daddy isn't there anymore. Everyday. However, when one's chosen path crosses the path of Evil and Wrong on a daily basis and split second decisions determine whether or not Good wins or loses that day, the odds of coming home after work greatly decrease in our favor. How do you say goodbye in the face of that?
Maybe it has to do with my cultural inability to be truly concerned about the future. Maybe it has to do with denial--if I don't think about it, it won't happen. But I really do not think about it...much. I grew up around war and its destruction. Bomb drills in school--though, really? A tiny wooden desk is going to protect me from a bomb hitting a cement building? Just duck and cover--all will be well. For years--years--I couldn't handle thunderstorms. First clap of thunder and I would be curled up in the fetal position in the back of my closet. I'm better with that now--I hardly even flinch anymore. The point is, I've traveled beyond the labyrinth, looked the Goblin king in the eyes and declared, "You have no power over me." I am not scared for my husband's life. I have my concerns, but they do not paralyze me. I have vague plans in place should anything happen. But he knows his job. It's who he is. I trust his abilities. I trust his training. We've been through a lot together, he and I. Both of us in situations we should not have walked away from many times over. I know he will do everything in his power to come home.
So our goodbye? A kiss, a hug, with an "I love you!" and "See you soon."
I am, however, terrified for our lives without him. And so, after each goodbye, I pray that God brings him back to us safe and whole. Everyday.
2 comments:
Me thinks you should add this to your manuscript... :)
ooooh.... good thoughts.
Like I said over there, after he had a career where he flew in an aircraft that had a tendency to fall outta the sky (CH-46...Battle Phrogs Forever) I realized that goodbye is just that. So we just say it and sometimes we argue beforehand.
That said, SWAT calls? I DEMAND a "I've got a callout" before he goes. 'Cause I'm a freak.
Peace out girls. No matter WHAT you do to prepare, it will get you when you are NOT paying attention.
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