I thought I'd stick with the kitty motif I had going--sort of symbolic feline bookends.
I have a cup of tea (decaf Constant Comment) sitting in front of me. One of many, many cups of tea consumed over the past several days. Husband teases that it was all those years around the British that instilled the notion that tea cures all. Well, it does! And this cup of tea is about to accompany me and my book upstairs. But I wanted to write this. I shared the bad and it's only fair that I share the good.
I am worn out. I am waterlogged. But tonight I'm also peaceful. I realize that it will be a long road back to finding the things that brought us together--the partnership, the laughter, the sharing of a life. But we've taken those first truly difficult steps. And we've taken them together--as partners.
It's a hard, hard thing--the admitting of a wrong, An even harder thing; the asking for forgiveness. It's so much easier to just go along playing the injured party, all the while ignoring the fact that this person walking beside me is hurting and that my actions or lack there of are a large source of that pain. This person who means more to me than the air I breath. This person who has withstood my verbal onslaughts time and time again. And yet he has remained by my side and has loved me.
I mentioned before that he is a super hero . Here's the proof. I have never been an easy person to live with--all of my boarding school roommates can attest to that! I will always want my own way. I am far too stubborn and opinionated. I yell too much. I get cranky when I don't get enough sleep--which means I'm constantly cranky. I speak without thinking and I'm far too bossy. I have an annoying tendency to dogmatically believe my way is the right and only way. I also tend to argue without all of the facts. But the worst fault of all--I have allowed the love of my life to feel taken for granted, unappreciated and unwanted.
I don't believe in soul mates, neither do I believe that one person completes another. However, I do know that a future without this man in it would be dull and gray and lifeless. And that is no future that I want.