I really am not sure how to write this post. I've started it--or ones just like it--numerous times over the past couple of months and I kept failing to either dig out what was inside of me or put it all together as a collective thought and articulate it in a way someone other than the voices in my head would understand.
"Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up..."
Extensive blood work, x-rays, MRI and fluid samples taken from this little cutie's swollen-up-like-an-orange knee have all come back Inconclusive. All persons involved agree that there is, indeed, Something Wrong...just can't seem to find a Label. However, the Bad Stuff we don't want to even think about our children having has pretty much been ruled out.
This morning the orthopedic specialist discussed the fact that at some point we have to start treatment. The few abnormalities that keep popping up suggest Lyme Disease. Ironically enough, the first doctor suggested it back in February. But the blood work came back Maybe/Maybe Not.
So, this morning we left with a Plan. And a Treatment. Three weeks of antibiotics. Have you ever given a 2-year-old oral medication? Sounds simple enough. How about a stubborn, red head, 2-year-old? No? Her dose this evening ended up back on her, on me and on the floor--mixed with what she had managed to eat for dinner...and lunch. Bribery, hiding it, masking it with chocolate...nothing worked. And we have three weeks of this. Yea us. Assuming we can get the medicine down her, we should see a response in a few days. If not...well, our Plan has a part B.
Anyone who has dealt with a sick little one knows that feeling of Helplessness--the feeling that you've done all you can do but it's still not enough. The inability of the little one to tell you exactly where it hurts. The jammy snuggles on the couch.
This is my Child. One of two people on this Earth that I will die for. And we've been on this emotional roller coaster of Not Knowing. And it's a sucky place to be. And pointless. So I decided to not Worry. Yes, I was concerned and continued pursuing answers. But what good was I to everyone else in this family if I was wrapped up in Worry and Helplessness? And you know what? That tight band around my stomach loosened up...my brain slowed down enough at night to allow restful sleep.
Wow. Someone should write that stuff down! Worry=Sucky. Not Worrying=Restful Sleep.
Storm clouds...a promise of cleansing rain.