Re-new
1. To make new or as if new again; restore
2. To regain or restore the physical or mental vigor of; revive
If last year could be summed up in one word it would be
Survival. We found ourselves attacked on all sides, dodging slings and arrows, surviving.
PTSD
Broken, not broken, we-have-no-idea-what-the-hell's-going-on-but-keep-it-immobilized-anyway ankle.
2nd grade bullies, incompetent principal and school superintendent.
Broken sewer lines.
Cantankerous 12-year-old vehicle.
Gluten intolerance discovered too late to save the gallbladder.
Learning how each and every one fit in our lives; surviving.
But we've come through all of that. In December
Himself and I celebrated our 15th anniversary. It was a Big Deal. Not just because, against enormous odds, we'd made it to 15 but because back in January? We both were Done. But we didn't quit. Because, somehow, we managed to remember why we started. We survived.
While as heavy, heart wrenching and life changing the PTS diagnosis was...it was also a relief. Because the tension, the rift, the crap that was about to cause our marriage to implode? It wasn't Us. It was hi-jacked, jacked up wiring in his head. That didn't make me blameless by any means. But it gave us a Reason. And we learned how to survive with this newly labeled demon in our lives...the demon wasn't new, we just never realized it was one we needed to fight together. We learned how to ask the right questions. How to give honest answers. How to regroup when we failed. How to survive.
I learned the value of being a part of a community--no matter how small. I learned how to reach out and ask for Help. And to accept the offer of Help. It's sad that it took it all falling apart to teach me that vital Life Lesson. But I learned I have people in my life who will not only move mountains for me, they'll even take my children for the afternoon just so I can Breath. And I survived.
And now? We've learned those survival skills. We've earned our stripes. I'm ready to rebuild. To regain. To revive. I'm declaring this to be the year of Renewal.
He hasn't really mentioned it, but he graduates from college in a few months. And we're headed to Tanzania this summer. Even with living with a burned out fan motor on our heat pump for the first week and a half (during Polar Vortex 2014, non-the-less!), as well as a mini plague epidemic, it's already a better year than it's predecessor. But even if we do continue to be attacked, we've got our boots on now. We're ready.
