Monday, March 29, 2010

Tougher than the rest...

For some reason the (not-so-old) old Bruce Springsteen song has been running through my head...

Well, it’s Saturday night
You’re all dressed up in blue
I been watching you awhile
Maybe you been watching me too
So somebody ran out
Left somebody’s heart in a mess
Well if you’re looking for love
Honey, I’m tougher than the rest

As I was searching for the lyrics, the "dressed up in blue" part stuck out. Probably not what the Boss meant...but seems appropriate anyway. While I don't believe it takes a "special kind of person" to be married to a police officer, I do believe it takes the type of person who is determined to see a relationship work. To realize that the fairy tale stories are a load of crap. To love unconditionally, fiercely and wholeheartedly. To be tougher than the rest. And I just described my mom, my sister and most of the woman that went before me and whom I surround myself with.

Life's been a little funny lately. Not necessarily "funny ha, ha"...just...funny. We've found ourselves in situations we never thought we'd be in. Planning through scenarios we never foresaw. And tonight I find myself digging deeper.

Our wee girl is sick. At this point doctors are a little baffled. She's seen a few different ones lately--all highly trained specialists in their fields. And I've exercised that "fierce love" by advising lab techs to step away from my child. In the morning we're taking her in for an MRI...they'll need to sedate her and have asked that we bring her in sleep deprived. Not an easy task considering our history. Deliberately depriving my child of sleep is wrong on so many levels. But Sean is getting her up around 4...he has a pre-dawn Firefly morning all planned.

To look back over the past month and a half and recognize a Divine presence over everyone and everything is comforting. Appointments being made where none were available. Sean getting time off. Jacob's school offering him a spot in their extended hours program for whenever we need it. Messages of comfort and encouragement and prayer from friends far and near. I know that Presence isn't about to leave us now.

Tonight I don't want to be tough. I want to curl up under the covers and make it all go away. But I can't. So, I dig deeper. Because I'm tougher than the rest.


Meadowlark said...

Love you. Praying for you. His presence never never leaves you and that is indeed a blessing.

ladybugfamily said...

I am going to be sending you warm, healing thoughts. I pray that all will be well.

I am very happy to find another Police Wife out here! I've found the Fire Wives, but they don't like Police Wives and I just don't understand it... after all, if there was a shooter out on the loose (God forbid) one wouldn't call a Fireman to protect them... not even a Fire Wife would do that. I'm very sure she would call a Police man to protect her.

Anyway, I digress. I'm off to read more of your blog!

Momma Val said...

I'm going to say a little prayer for her. AND know that it must be primal or something because when another child is sick and the mother is scared, concerned, etc., other mothers feel it in their gut and a lump in their throat and feel the worry and care for the child, even if unknown.

I am happy to hear that doors are opening for you with extra flexibility and caring persons surrounding your family too. ((Hugs))

(I'm about to scan a card and post it for you. Check my blog shortly.)

Natalie said...

Thank you for this post. I truly pray that you'll continue to receive strength.

Thanks for letting me know that being tough doesn't mean you don't want to make it all go away at times. Hope the MRI did the job.

SAge said...

Actually, I disagree---if you have ever read Grimm's Fairy Tales, it's not just one happy ending after another. Those people had to fight for what they loved. It wasn't too easy for them, either. (Although I'm with you on the Cinderella-is-a-load-of-crap thing.)

Anita said...

I've been reading your blog and learning about your daughter's health issue out of sequence, that I don't know what I've said and not said.

Thanks for sending the links that takes me back to how it began.